The absence of one dimension means that some of the following images will need a caption.

NOT THIS ONE, OBVIOUSLY, BUT, ALAS, IT is spray-painted plaster on formers and so it has to be kept inside always. Neither mother nor daughter can ever feel the sun on their shoulders nor rain on their heads.


    

 NO CAPTION NEEDED FOR THIS ONE, EITHER.

"PSSST - I'VE GOT AN INTRIGUING PRESENT FOR YOU BOTH WHICH HAS BEEN WRUNG FROM THE TREE OF KNOWLEDGE. HOWEVER, IT COMES WITH THIS  WARNING - ​'SLIDE TO UNLOCk' - WILL GIVE YOU ACCESS TO ITS CONTENTS BUT IT WILL ALSO UNLOCK THE LID ON PANDORA'S BOX." 

I'D LIKE TO SEE IT IN AN ELEVATOR LOBBY (OR SOME SUCH) IN APPLE'S HQ  - THEY'D PROBABLY WANT TO GET RID OF MY CAPTION AND MAYBE THINK UP ONE THAT'S SOMEWHAT MORE POSITIVE FOR THEIR SELF-IMAGE!  

DETAIL. 


​  

THERE WILL BE  MORE IMAGES AND THEY'LL APPEAR AFTER THE SECTIONS THAT GIVE DETAILS OF MY NOVELS AND NOVELLAS AND SHORT STORIES. 

FIVE NOVELS - NUMBER ONE.

THIS IS AN ADVENTURE STORY ABOUT A BROOKLYN BOY WHO IS TRANSPORTED TO RURAL INDIANA WHEN HIS PARENTS BREAK UP AND THEN, WHEN A GIRL THAT HE LIKES TELLS HIM, "NO DATE UNLESS YOU BRING SOME POT WITH YOU" - HE DOES SO AND ABOUT TWO MINUTES AFTER HIS FIRST DRAG ON IT HE RECOGNIZES HIS TRUE CALLING AND HE'S EFFECTIVELY LOST TO THIS WORLD FOR YEARS ON END.
HE DOES ALL THE THINGS THAT ADICTS ARE RENOWNED FOR AND SO, TO PROTECT THEMSELVES, HIS FAMILY MEMBERS GET TOGETHER AND OFFER HIM A SMALL MONTHLY ALLOWANCE IF HE PROMISES TO STAY AWAY FROM INDIANA.
HE REACHES ROCK BOTTOM WHEN HE STUPIDLY CROSSES THE POLICE CHIEF IN BANGKOK AND IS THROWN INTO AN EMPTY CELL  - THERE'S NOT EVEN A BUCKET IN IT - AND IS KEPT THERE FOR WEEKS ON END LIVING ON A BOWL OF COLD, BOILED WHITE RICE WITH SOME GREEN STUFF ON IT FOR BREAKFAST AND AGAIN FOR DINNER BUT WITH SOME GRAY STUFF IN IT - HE GUESSES THAT IT HAS TO BE FISH BECAUSE HE SOMETIMES FINDS A FEW SCALES STUCK TO IT.
HE ACCEPTS A JOB AS A DECK HAND ON A 'FRIEND'S' BOAT THAT IS GOING TO AUSTRALIA - HIS FATHER LIVES IN MELBOURNE - BUT HE DESERTS BY TAKING THE BOAT'S SAILING DINGHY WHEN HE REALIZES, AFTER A WEEK OR SO INTO THE VOYAGE, THAT IT'S ON A DRUG RUN.
HE ENDS UP ON AN ISLAND WHOSE INHABITANTS ARE SLAVES AND HE USES HIS YANKEE INGENUITY TO EASE THEIR HARD LIVES AND THEN RAW COURAGE TO HELP THEM FIGHT FOR THEIR FREEDOM. 
THERE IS AN EXCITING BATTLE AT SEA WITH PIRATES AND MANY OTHER ADVENTURES OF A LIKE KIND AND - WOULDN'T YOU KNOW IT? - A SATISFYING ENDING! 

ALL OF MY NOVELS ARE AVAILABLE ON AMAZON BUT THIS ONE IS PRICED THERE AT A RIDICULOUSLY HIGH AMOUNT FOR A NEARLY INCOMPREHENSIBLE REASON THAT WAS SPELLED OUT IN AN ARTICLE IN THE NY TIMES ON JULY 15 - 2018.
OR YOU COULD TRY AUTHOR HOUSE AND QUOTE -
'LIBRARY OF CONGRESS, CONTROL NUMBER 20044096384' - - - ISBN 1-4184-9252-3   
  
   

NUMBER TWO 

"THE LEWISING ROOM" IS AN ATTEMPT TO OFFER A BADLY NEEDED, WORKABLE, EQUALIZING FACTOR TO THE UNFAIR ADVANTAGE THAT MEN HAVE, INHERENTLY, OVER WOMEN IN NEARLY ALL MATTERS PERTAINING TO THEIR SEXUAL RELATIONS.    

A COUPLE 'MEET UP CUTE' IN NEW YORK CITY WHICH LEADS TO A LIFE-LONG RELATIONSHIP AND THERE'S A REVELATION IN IT FOR HER WHEN HE TELLS HER THAT HIS SMALL HOME TOWN HAS A SURE-FIRE FORMULA THAT REDUCES LOCAL CRIME TO CLOSE TO ZERO (AS PROOF OF THAT ITS 2,000 ODD-INHABITANTS NEED ONLY ONE POLICE SERGEANT AND ONE CONSTABLE WHOSE MAIN JOB IS TO KEEP AN EYE ON STRANGERS AND VISITORS AT WEEKENDS.

A CAREFUL READING OF THE FOREWORD WILL EITHER ENCOURAGE YOU TO READ IT ALL - OR PUT IT ASIDE "FOR LATER." 
      

NUMBER THREE

'ASH GROVE'S' SUB-TITLE - "ONE WEEK, EIGHT CHAPTERS - IT MUST BE A LEAP WEEK!" CAME ABOUT BECAUSE AFTER WRITING THE FIRST FIVE LINKED STORIES ABOUT THE HAPPENINGS IN A COAL MINNG VILLAGE IN SOUTH WALES I SAW THAT THE NUMBER OF PAGES WASN'T HIGH ENOUGH TO BE PUBLISHED ON THEIR OWN AND THEN AN IDEA CAME TO ME - WHILE LOOKING AT A FULL MOON FROM MY BEDROOM WINDOW - THAT WAS NOTHING SHORT OF A REVELATION AND I INCORPORATED IT - THE REVELATION - INTO AN APOCALYPSE-BASED STORY FOR WHAT TURNED OUT TO BE THE FIRST OF TWO SUNDAYS.  
THAT PARTICULAR STORY IS EXTRA EXCITING AND INTRIGUING AND IS ON A PAR WITH THE S. STORY THAT THEY MADE A MOVIE OF.
HERE'S AN EXCERPT FROM THE BEGINNING OF IT - 

 - - - - - His name, the guy who’d come up with the brilliant idea that won him the Nobel prize in record-time, was Dr. Elias Quinn Owens.
Ever since he could remember he’d been fascinated by the lively colors that sunlight passing through a prism generates and so no matter where he'd lived he'd always set some of them up along with a few cut-glass crystal items like candle-sticks and ash-trays, and with some cones for contrast, on window sills where they’d, in turn, catch the sun’s rays as it moved through the sky which would make the color spectrum splash onto his walls and ceilings, and, without fail, he’d pause with sheer pleasure every time that he was made aware of them no matter how many times he saw it on non-cloudy days or, especially, on spasmodically cloudy ones.
One night he was getting undressed before going to bed when he saw a reflection of the full moon in the flat, mirrored base of a cut-glass candlestick that was on the sill of a window that faced south and an idea came to him that drove all thoughts of sleeping out of his mind even though he'd put in a day's work in his office and, after hours, in his laboratory and was both mentally and physically tired.
And then, seemingly unbidden as he was still savoring the first idea, another one - a follow-up one that carried even more import - came to him and he had to sit on the bed to keep from falling down.
As soon as enough strength had returned to his knees he put his clothes back on and then he got into his car and went back to his university and all through the twenty minute drive, just in case, he chanted key phrases so as to be sure that neither of his ideas would fade away in the way that most of his dreams did.
​
When he got there he used his authority to send the night crew home early so as to have full use of all of the highly sophisticated equipment.
- - - - - - - - - - - - -      

WHEN I'D FINISHED WRITING AND EDITING IT I WAS ABOUT TO SEND IN WHAT I HAD FOR PUBLICATION BUT THEN I BECAME LOCKED ONTO, AND INTO, THE WRITING OF ANOTHER STORY THAT EXAMINES WHAT MIGHT HAPPEN TO THE POPULATION OF A SMALL TOWN IF A BABY GIRL, ABANDONED ON THE FRONT STEPS OF ONE OF ITS CHAPELS, PROVES OUT TO BE A GROTESQUE WHO HAS A KNOCK-DOWN VOLUPTUOUS BODY. 
​
SO, THAT'S HOW COME THERE ARE 8 DAYS IN THIS WEEK!


     

​NUMBER FOUR

​

THIS IS THE STORY OF A WOMAN WHO WAS BORN INTO POVERTY BUT WITH MUCH MORE THAN THE USUAL AMOUNT OF COMMON SENSE ALONG WITH A KEEN INTELLECT AND STRONG WORK ETHICS WHICH SEE TO IT THAT SHE BECOMES AN MD WITH 4 DEGREES, NOT COUNTING ANY OF THE MANY HONORARY ONES THAT SHE ENDS UP WITH.

THE ONE THAT SHE IS PROUDEST OF IS THE RN(P) ONE BECAUSE THAT WAS NOT ONLY THE FIRST ONE, OF COURSE, BUT WAS ALSO THE STEPPING STONE THAT SHE USED TO EARN ALL OF THE OTHERS.

OVER TIME SHE MAKES A REPUTATION FOR HERSELF WHICH MEANS THAT SHE HAS TO DO A WHOLE LOT OF TRAVELING - ANSWERING CALLS FOR A SECOND OPINION IN COMPLICATED AND UNUSUAL CASES  AND ATTENDING SEMINARS AND GIVING LECTURES, etc - AND THEN, BECAUSE OF THE EXPERTISE THAT SHE'S AMASSED IN HER SEVERAL VARIED FIELDS SHE GETS CALLED IN TO ADVISE A TEAM OF SPECIALISTS THAT IS DESPERATELY TRYING TO SAVE THE LIFE OF THE SECRETARY OF STATE OF THE USA WHO HAS A RAPIDLY FAILING HEART. 

"THE PROCEDURE" OF THE TITLE REFERS TO THE METHOD THAT SHE DEVELOPS TO ENSURE THAT HER VIP PATIENT'S LIFE-SUPPORT PARTNER STAYS BOTH HAPPY AND FAITHFUL TO HER OVER THE LONG TERM - HER VERY LIFE DEPENDS ON IT - AND SHE LATER DEVELOPS TWO OTHER "PROCEDURES" - ONE FOR MIDDLE AGED COUPLES AND ONE FOR SENIORS - AND ALL THREE BECOME WILDLY POPULAR BECAUSE THEY SUCCESSFULLY RE-INTRODUCE THE JOY OF SEX TO THE JADED AND HELP DEFEAT ANGST FOR ADULT WOMEN AND, IT FOLLOWS, FOR THEIR MEN TOO. 

"WHY," YOU MIGHT ASK, "ARE OVER 400 PAGES NEEDED TO GET TO LEARN THE DETAILS OF THESE 'PROCEDURES'?" 

THE ANSWER IS THAT EXTENSIVE BIOGRAPHIES OF THE 3 MAIN CHARACTERS ARE NEEDED TO 'BRING IT ALL TOGETHER', AS IT WERE, AND GET HER INTO THE CORRECT FRAME OF MIND TO WANT TO TACKLE THE VERY REAL, AS BASIC AS THEY GET, PROBLEMS THAT AFFECT JUST ABOUT EVERY ONE OF US.
 
SENSITIVE  WOMEN (ESPECIALLY SEXUALLY DISAPPOINTED ONES AND THOSE WHO ARE ANGST RIDDEN) WHO HAVE READ ALL OF THE ABOVE - OR WHO READ ALL OF THE TEXT ON THE BACK COVER OF THE BOOK - WILL WANT TO HAVE A COPY OF IT AT HOME FOR IMPLEMENTATION AND FOR REFERENCE PURPOSES AND FOR MAKING FIRM FRIENDS FOR LIFE AFTER SHARING ITS INSIGHTS WITH LIKE MINDS.

AS WILL JUST ABOUT ALL MEN WHO HAVE READ THE DEDICATION WHICH IS -

"DEDICATED, FONDLY, TO ALL THE OWNERS OF A GATEWAY TO THE WORLD WHO, BRAVELY AND GRACIOUSLY, GRANT US (BEREFT BARBARIANS) VISITING RIGHTS (AND RITES)."  

NUMBER FIVE

THE BUS TO HAPPY VALLEY.
​
NO IMAGE IS AVAILABLE BECAUSE  although it has been written and edited it is still on paper only and has to be transcribed and, for the same reason, it doesn't have a cover yet. 
​I've been advised that the electronic machine that can change analogue into digital would cost upward of $6,000! That would be like having to buy a  whole cow even though I only need a quart of milk for my breakfast cereal.

​THE NOVEL IS ABOUT A CIVIL ENGINEER, WHO WORKS FOR THE NYC TRANSPORTATION DEPARTMENT, AND HIS WIFE WHO IS A TEACHER IN A HIGH SCHOOL IN THE BRONX.

WHEN SHE COMES OUT ON THE OTHER SIDE OF MENOPAUSE SHE FINDS THAT SHE'S LOCKED INTO A BAD CASE OF MENTAL VAGINISMUS WHICH BAFFLES HER AND, YOU CAN BE VERY SURE, HER HUSBAND TOO AND, WHEN IT BECOMES OBVIOUS TO THEM BOTH THAT IT'S NOT GOING TO EASE UP ANY TIME SOON, HE'S GIVEN A - NEVER MENTIONED - SANCTION TO 'FIND RELIEF' ELSEWHERE.

HER AGREEING TO GIVE HIM THAT DRASTIC SANCTION IS POSSIBLE ONLY BECAUSE THEY BOTH KNOW THAT HE LOVES HER FAR TOO MUCH TO EVEN THINK ABOUT LEAVING HER.

HOWEVER, TO HIS FURTHER BAFFLEMENT, IT SOON BECOMES CLEAR TO HIM THAT HE CAN ONLY 'PERFORM SATISFACTORILY' ONCE WITH EVERY NEW PARTNER THAT HE BEDS!  

THEY BOTH TAKE EARLY RETIREMENT FROM THEIR JOBS AND BUY A HOUSE THAT'S IN A TOWN NEAR TAMPA, FLORIDA, AND HE'S DELIGHTED TO FIND THAT HIS NEW NEIGHBORHOOD IS CHOCK FULL OF WIDOWED LADIES AND DIVORCEES WHO KEEP HIM 'RELIEVED' FOR MONTHS.

HOWEVER, HIS LAMENTABLE LIMITING RULE STAYS IN FORCE AND SO HE EVENTUALLY RUNS OUT OF NEW PARTNERS AND THEN, JUST IN TIME AND, LO AND BEHOLD, A LOCAL BUS COMPANY STARTS UP A CIRCLE LINE THAT CONNECTS MOST OF THE SMALL TOWNS AND VILLAGES IN THE AREA AND HENCE - WE GET OUR TITLE.

OVER THE YEARS HE GETS A REPUTATION - NOT AS  'A SWORDSMAN' ALTHOUGH THAT'S CERTAINLY WHAT HE IS - BUT AS A HEALER WHO USES SEX TO SOLVE PROBLEMS AND TO COMBAT LONELINESS AND, NOT SURPRISINGLY, VERY DEFINITELY EASES CASES OF FRUSTRATION.

HE VENTURES OUT TWICE A WEEK AND HE DOESN'T HAVE TO MAKE MUCH OF AN EFFORT TO FIND A PARTNER IN ANY OF THE TOWNS FOR VERY LONG BECAUSE HIS M.O. AND HIS ITINERARY BECOME WELL KNOWN AND SO, EVENTUALLY, EVERY TIME THAT HE GETS OFF THE BUS HE SIMPLY HAS TO SIT ON A BENCH AND WAIT TO BE APPROACHED AND ASKED, "EXCUSE ME, ARE YOU THE HARRY?"

THE NOVEL DETAILS 50 OF THE HUNDREDS OF HIS ENCOUNTERS AND 48 OF THEM END HAPPILY OR SUCCESSFULLY. IT ENDS HAPPILY TOO BECAUSE HE, HARRY, AT THE END, FINDS THE REASON FOR HIS PECULIAR DILEMMA AND AFTER THAT ALL BECOMES RIGHT IN HIS WORLD AGAIN.    

​LISTS OF MY SHORT STORIES AND NOVELLAS. 

NOTE - THE DIVIDING LINE BETWEEN THE TWO IS, OF COURSE,  THE NUMBER OF PAGES - ie - THE NOVELLAS ARE ALL 45 PAGES OR MORE.

THE 'CANS' REFERRED TO ARE THE COFFEE CANS THAT HOLD THE PAPER COPIES IN MY ATTIC. SORRY ABOUT THAT!

MOST OF THE SHORT STORIES CAN BE FOUND AT roygardebme.com AND THEY'RE FREE! - IF YOU LIKE THE FIRST ONE ON THE WEBSITE - "THE HOUSEKEEPER" - YOU'LL LIKE THEM ALL - AND YOU ALREADY KNOW WHAT THE "bme' PART STANDS FOR - RIGHT? IF NOT IT'S SPELLED OUT IN MY HOME PAGE.

​I'M HOPING THAT THEY'LL ALL GET TO BE PUBLISHED EVENTUALLY BUT - WELL - IT'S COMPLICATED!

IF YOU SCROLL DOWN THE 'CAPTURED INCLUSION' THAT FOLLOWS - by clicking on the black slider that's on the right - YOU'LL BE ABLE TO READ THE TITLES - AND A VERY BRIEF SYNOPSIS - OF ALL THE SHORT STORIES AND THEN THE NOVELLAS.

I'M HOPING - AND WORKING TO MAKE IT HAPPEN - THAT IF ENOUGH PEOPLE VISIT MY OTHER WEBSITE - ROYGARDEBME.COM TO READ THE SHORT STORIES, AND/OR BUY ENOUGH OF THE NOVELS, THAT A PUBLISHER WILL TAKE NOTICE AND ARRANGE FOR PUBLICATION OF MY 5TH NOVEL - 'THE BUS TO HAPPY VALLEY'  AND WILL PUBLISH MY NOVELLAS IN 3 OR 4 VOLUMES.   



​

​THAT'S IT UP TO NOW - I MIGHT BE RELEASING SOME MORE AS TIME GOES BY.





​
                                   HERE ARE MORE IMAGES OF MOST OF MY SCULPTURES.

BUT FIRST, THIS IS HOW I GOT STARTED.
IT WAS INADVERTENT IN THAT WHEN I WAS LIVING AND WORKING IN LONDON I DECIDED TO  MAKE A BIG 'ROCKING DUCK' TOY FOR A CHILD AT XMAS AND I NEEDED 2 PIECES OF WOOD THAT WERE 3 FEET WIDE AND 2 INCHES THICK AND 3 OR 4 FEET LONG THAT WOULD BECOME ITS ROCKERS.
THE COMPLETED TOWER BUILDING OF THE COMPLEX THAT I WAS WORKING IN, ADJUSTING ITS ELEVATORS, WAS THE FIRST ONE OF SEVERAL BUILDINGS THAT WERE GOING UP ON THE SAME SITE AND SO I HAD LOTS OF CONSTRUCTION DEBRIS TO SEARCH THROUGH AND I EVENTUALLY FOUND 2 PIECES THAT WOULD SERVE. THEY WERE IN THE MIDDLE OF A HUGE BROKEN BEAM.
WHEN I'D CUT MY PARTS FREE I STAYED BEHIND, ON SITE, EVERY NIGHT FOR A WEEK OR SO TO WORK ON THE PROJECT - THAT WAY I COULD USE THE WORK BENCHES AND, ALSO, THE MESS THAT I MADE WOULDN'T BOTHER ANYBODY.
I HAD TO BUY SOME SHARP CHISELS AND OTHER TOOLS TO SHAPE THE DUCK'S HEAD AND SOME OF THE REST OF IT.
WHEN IT WAS DONE IT WAS A HUGE SUCCESS BUT DOING IT AROUSED AN INTEREST IN ME REGARDING WOOD-WORKING AND SEEING THAT I ALREADY HAD SEVERAL TOOLS I STARTED THINKING ABOUT DOING ANOTHER PROJECT.
I EVENTUALLY CAME UP WITH AN IDEA ABOUT CARVING A MAN IN SEVERAL PIECES THAT COULD BE FITTED TOGETHER TO MAKE A COMPLETE ONE BUT COULD ALSO BE SCATTERED AROUND A ROOM TO SUIT CHANGING WHIMS.
I'D FINISHED A FEW OF THE PIECES WHEN WHAT HAPPENS IN MY SHORT STORY NUMBER 26 - "I DEDICATE ALL OF MY WORK TO . . . . " (WHICH WAS WRITTEN MANY YEARS LATER) - HAPPENED IN REAL LIFE AND EXACTLY WHAT'S DESCRIBED IN THE STORY HAPPENED TO ME.
THE NEXT FEW YEARS REMAINED 'FALLOW' BUT WHEN I STARTED BEACH STROLLING - I''D BEEN SENT TO AN ISLAND IN THE CARIBBEAN BY MY COMPANY - I GOT INTERESTED IN FLOTSAM AND DRIFT-WOOD AND SOME OF IT BECAME SCULPTURES INCLUDING 2 OF THEM THAT YOU'LL SEE LATER THAT ARE DISPLAYED IN A BOOKCASE. THE ONE AT THE BOTTOM AND ON THE RIGHT IS CALLED, "YOU CAN'T HANG AN ANGEL!" THE CONCEPT, AS OPPOSED TO THE ACTUAL PIECE, WAS GOOD TO KEEP AROUND. 
FROM THEN ON I WENT THROUGH DIFFERENT PHASES AS DIFFERENT MATERIALS BECAME AVAILABLE (THAT IS, THEY WERE FREE FOR THE TAKING) -
​FOUND OBJECTS; AND THEN PIECES OF STEEL AND ALUMINUM; AND THEN STONES AND - - - - IT'S ONGOING.               

"STAY CLOSE TO MAMA, KIDS - AFTER EATING SOME MORE OF THAT BREAD HE'LL BE LOOKING FOR PROTEIN."



​

LAMENTATION.







​

---

---

AT THE END OF THE WORLD THERE''LL BE NOWHERE TO RUN TO. 






​

''UH, OH! SOMETHING IS TELLING ME THAT I SHOULD HAVE PICKED A BIGGER PLANET."

    

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DETAIL

​

SOMEWHAT MURKY SO I'LL TRY TO TO REPLACE IT.
​THE CAPTION IS - 'IN THE LAND OF THE BLIND THE ONE-EYED MAN IS KING.'  

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JOY RIDE

"THE ANCIENT WAY TO SETTLE DIFFERENCES"
​THE 2 KINGS DID THE FIGHTING AND EVERYONE ELSE WATCHED.

SIX CROWDED PIECES.

SIX MORE JUMBLED UP PIECES.

---

"FOUR DRASTIC METHODS FOR WOMEN TO HAVE DEAL WITH  MEN IN A PERMANENT WAY."
NEEDS REPAIRING. THE TOP HAND USED TO CARRY SOMETHING LETHAL TOO! I'LL RE-EXAMINE IT AND REPLACE THE MISSING ITEM.
THE OSTRICH EGG, PERCHED ON A NEST OF ROCKS, ORIGINALLY HAD - AND, HOPEFULLY, WILL HAVE AGAIN - A COUPLE OF RATS LOOKING UP AT IT LONGINGLY! 

---

" LOOK - CAN IT BE? IS THAT AN ACTUAL FLOWER?" 
THE 'FLOWER' THAT THE PRISONERS ARE ALL STARING AT IN AWE NEEDS TO BE REPLACED AND WHEN IT HAS BEEN THERE'LL BE NO NEED FOR A CAPTION!

"THE PARTING OF THE NILE."

"WAR-CRIMES PRISONER."

DON'T REMEMBER - WILL CHECK AND EITHER DELETE OR LIGHTEN UP.

"THE DECORATIVE AND THE PROTECTED."

EARLY - AND ON-GOING - ATTEMPT AT DEPICTING DON QUIXOTE ON ROCINANTE WITH PANCHO ALONGSIDE ON A MULE OR A DONKEY.
IT'S REMARKABLE, UP TO THIS POINT, ONLY BECAUSE IT'S BEING MADE OUT OF CHEWING GUM!
THERE'S AN EXTRA - UNANTICIPATED - ADVANTAGE THAT COMES FROM USING USED GUM WHICH IS  - NOBODY EVER VOLUNTEERS TO 'HELP' ME.
THE ORIGINAL PAINTING OF THE TWO SISTERS BY JOHN CURRIN FETCHED $12,000,000 AT AUCTION WHICH SOMEHOW ADDS EXTRA PLEASURE TO HAVING MY LITTLE COPY.  

THIS ONE AND THE NEXT ONE -  

 - WERE FOR A VIDEO THAT'S STILL IN THE CAMERA.

THIS ONE IS A FAVORITE AND, AS IS EVIDENT, BADLY NEEDS RESTORING. 
ITS TITLE IS - "WHAT GOES ON IN WONDERLAND A FEW MINUTES AFTER THE MALE HAS DISMOUNTED AND HAS EITHER WANDERED OFF, ON ITS ENDLESS SEARCH FOR FOOD, OR HAS TURNED AWAY IN THE BED AND HAS GONE BACK TO SLEEP."

"ENTICEMENT."
​THESE WERE ON REVOLVING PLATFORMS - 1 COUNTER CLOCKWISE AND THE FEMALE CLOCKWISE - BUT I NEEDED THE MOTORS FOR A PROTOTYPE OF A ROTATING SUN-BATHING MACHINE. 

"GRAND OLD OPERA"
​DECIDEDLY NOT "GRAND OLD OPRY."

"AFTER THE BOMB."

"AFTER THE FIRE."

"SAME SAME." - NEIGHBORS IN SUBURBIA." 

"TWO COLLIERS AT THE ENTRANCE TO THEIR SIDING."
THEY'RE WAITING WITH THEIR ONLY DRAM FOR THEIR HIRED HORSE-DRAWN CART - DRIVEN BY THEIR FATHER WHO CAN NO LONGER DO THE HARD WORK THAT'S CALLED FOR AT THE COAL SEAM, OR 'COAL FACE' - TO COME AROUND AND TAKE THEIR COAL TO MARKET WHICH WILL LET THEM TAKE THE DRAM BACK INSIDE TO BE RE-FILLED." 

"UH, OH! WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT? BOILING OIL, NO LESS! THAT'S MODERN WARFARE FOR YOU. IT'S DIABOLICAL!
​WELL NOW, FROM NOW ON WE'LL HAVE TO PROVIDE SOME KIND OF COVER FOR OUR GUYS BUT NOT THIS TIME BECAUSE IF WE WAIT UNTIL THEY'VE POURED IT ON THIS LOT WE'LL BE ABLE TO SEND IN REPLACEMENTS RIGHT AWAY BECAUSE IT WILL TAKE THEM A LONG TIME TO BOIL UP MORE OF IT."

THE POINT IS THAT THE TWO 'SIDES' HAVE FLAGS THAT ARE ALMOST IDENTICAL. THE CASTLE DEFENDERS' FLAG  ARE NEARLY OUT OF THE PICTURE BUT THE ONLY DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THEM IS THE ORDER THAT THE 3 COLORS ARE IN. 

"WASHINGTON CROSSING THE DELAWARE" - UNDER A THICK FOG THAT, unfortunately, VARIES IN THICKNESS WITH THE HUMIDITY IN THE ROOM!



​

"HOUSE OF Giraffes AND Ostriches AND Donkeys." 
 THE ACRONYM WAS MY GRASPING ATTEMPT - WHICH CLEARLY FAILED - AT HUMOR!





​ 

"EASTER ISLAND."





​

"IN THE GOD'S AT THE BALLET."







​

DETAIL

DETAIL

IF - UH, THAT IS, WHEN - THIS HAS TO BE RELOCATED (WHETHER FOR DISPOSAL OR OTHERWISE) IT WILL BE HELPFUL TO KNOW THAT THE SNAKE COMES APART INTO 7, MAYBE 8, PIECES. (NOTE, THE TREE STUMP CANNOT BE DISASSEMBLED AND RELOCATED!) 
IF SOMEONE WANTS TO KEEP IT AND RELOCATE IT ALLOW ME TO SAY TO HIM OR HER THAT, IDEALLY, I SEE IT AT THE FAR END OF A LARGE, LAWN CLOSE TO BUSHES AND TREES.
THE SNAKE ITSELF WILL HAVE TO BE VARNISHED ANNUALLY - ALL SNAKES ARE ALWAYS SHINY AND SLICK - AND THE NEST-RAIDING VARMINT (MY SON INSISTS ON CALLING IT A BIG RAT BUT I THINK OF IT AS BEING AN OPOSSUM, OR SOME-SUCH) WHICH IS SECONDS AWAY FROM BECOMING DINNER FOR THE SNAKE, WILL HAVE TO BE PROTECTED FROM THE ELEMENTS YEAR ROUND. (ALTHOUGH NOT FROM SNAKES.)
WHEN I BUILT IT - 20 ODD YEARS AGO - THE SNAKE 'SEGMENTS' WERE 'SMOOTHED-OUT' BY MY APPLYING SOME KIND OF PLASTER WHICH HAS MOSTLY FALLEN AWAY SINCE THEN.
MAYBE THE PROBLEM CAN BE THOUGHT OF AS A CHALLENGE.
​FOR INSTANCE - HOW ABOUT TAKING THE TIME - OR PAYING A STONE-MASON TO TAKE THE TIME - TO FIT ALL THE SEGMENTS TOGETHER MORE CLOSELY AND SMOOTHLY AND THUS ELIMINATE THE NEED FOR ANY FILLING AT ALL?  
THE SNAKE LOOKS TO ME NOW TO BE MUCH TOO LONG AND SO THE LAST "LOOP" COULD, PERHAPS, BE ELIMINATED WHICH WOULD HAVE THE EXTRA BENEFIT OF MAKING THE OVERALL TASK THAT MUCH EASIER.

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THE OUTSIDE, AND THE INSIDE, OF MY WORKSHOP/GARAGE.
​

"Mother and child."

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THE TOP 2 ARE EXPERIMENTAL PROTOTYPES OF 'WINDOW TREATMENTS' THAT ARE EASILY TRANSPORTABLE AND WERE DESIGNED TO BRIGHTEN UP APARTMENTS WHOSE WINDOWS ARE EITHER NON-EXISTENT OR LOOK OUT AT A BRICK OR A CONCRETE WALL - OR A PARKING LOT.
​THE SUN, OR THE MOON, CAN BE PROGRAMMED TO BE RISING OR SETTING TO SUIT THE OWNER'S MOOD. 

MORE VIEWS OF INSIDE THE WORKSHOP PLUS 2 DECORATIVE PIECES.

MORE DECORATIVE PIECES INCLUDING - THE BOTTOM ONE - A STUDY FOR A FULL SIZE DAVID AND GOLIATH.
HA! I WISH.

---

THE TOP ONE IS A SELF-PORTRAIT IN MARBLES - PLUS 4 'STUDIES' FOR IT.

UNDERNEATH THAT IS "A GATHERING OF A CHURCH'S HIERARCHY - PLUS 2 MONKS ON GUARD DUTY - IN FRONT OF A GIANT DEPICTION OF THE CRUCIFIXION."
​
BELOW THAT AGAIN IS  WHAT A FRIEND OF MINE, ASTUTELY, CALLS "THE SMILE" BUT FEW PEOPLE EVER SEE THAT FOR THEMSELVES.

 SOME OF THESE PIECES ARE DISTRIBUTED AROUND MY HOUSE INCLUDING DOWN IN THE BASEMENT AND UP IN THE ATTIC. 
(ONE OR TWO OF THEM HAVE BEEN SHOWN TWICE DUE TO DIFFICULTIES WITH THE EDITING PROCEDURE. SORRY.)
THE ROOM-DIVIDER AND THE BOOKCASE WERE GIVEN AWAY TO SOMEONE BUT THE 7 PANELS OF THE ROOM-DIVIDER ARE IN MY BASEMENT - UNDER THE STAIRS - THE COLORS HAVE FADED SO MUCH THAT THEY'RE ALL CLOSE TO BEING INDECIPHERABLE BUT I SEEM TO REMEMBER THAT THEY WERE SOMEWHAT OVERLY RAUNCHY ANYWAY - ​ALONG THE LINES OF 'AWARENESS' - 'AROUSAL' - 'ENTREATY' - 'ACCEPTANCE' - 'INDULGENCE' - 'COMPLETION' - AND 'CONTEMPLATION.'  
HOWEVER, THERE SEEMS TO BE MORE THAN ONE COUPLE INVOLVED AND I DON'T REMEMBER HOW THAT WORKED OUT - OR WHY!      

THESE ARE MORE OF THE ONES THAT WERE EITHER GIVEN AWAY OR SIMPLY ABANDONED (DUE TO THE EXIGENCIES OF THE SERVICE, AS WE USED TO SAY IN THE NAVY.)
THE PHOTO OF THE 2 CRUCIFIXES ON THE WALL OF OUR, THEN, LIVING ROOM (MY FATHER-IN-LAW EXCLAIMED AT FIRST SIGHT - "HA! ENTIENDO! UNO PARA LAS RICAS Y OTRO PARA LOS POBRES.") IS THE ONLY PROOF OF THEIR EVER HAVING EXISTED.

ALSO LEFT BEHIND.

TWO OF THEM SHOW THAT I MUST HAVE FOUND SOME ALUMINUM RECTANGULAR TUBING THAT HAD BEEN DUMPED BY SOMEONE. 

AS FOR THE ONE TO THE SIDE, IT SEEMED TO ME AT THE TIME THAT THAT WAS A GOOD WAY TO EMPLOY EMPTY BEER CANS! 
​INCIDENTALLY - THE LIGHT THAT THEIR SHINY BOTTOMS REFLECT CAN BE MANIPULATED, BY ROTATING THE CANS.
​THE ROUND ONE IS IN MY GARAGE/WORKSHOP AND HOLDING UP A LIGHT TO IT WILL ILLUSTRATE THAT POINT.

THE OTHER PHOTO IS - WAS - NICELY AND WARMLY COLORED AND THUS, I VAGUELY REMEMBER, PLEASING TO HAVE AROUND.
IT WAS A DIG AT THE CATHOLIC CHURCH BUT THE SYMBOLISM ELUDES ME NOW. PROBABLY SOMETHING TO DO WITH - "WE'RE PLAYING THE SAME TUNE THAT WE ALWAYS HAVE BUT NO ONE'S LISTENING ANYMORE."
    

AS I'VE SAID, MANY OF THE ABOVE PIECES HAD TO BE GIVEN AWAY, OR SIMPLY DITCHED, WHEN MY JOB FORCED ME TO MOVE FROM THE CARIBBEAN TO VARIOUS COUNTRIES IN SOUTH AMERICA AND THEN TO THE STATES.
AT ONE TIME I WAS HEADQUARTERED IN VENEZUELA - BACK WHEN THEY COULD AFFORD TO BE COCKY FROM BEING NEWLY AWASH IN OIL MONEY AND EVERYBODY IN THE ENTIRE WORLD, AND HIS BROTHER, WERE IN CARACAS BEGGING FOR A JOB OR A CONTRACT.
HOWEVER, THE FUTURE CHAOS WAS FORETOLD, IN MY MIND AT LEAST, WHEN I FOUND OUT ON MY FIRST WEEK IN THE COUNTRY THAT A RETIRED PRESIDENT HAD BEEN ALLOWED TO BUILD HIMSELF A MANSION ON SACROSANCT GROUND AT THE BASE OF THE MOUNTAIN THAT LOOMS OVER CARACAS AND, IN THAT SAME WEEK, MY CAR WAS BROKEN INTO AT NIGHT AND, ALSO, I WAS TRAPPED BY THEIR POLICE INTO HAVING TO PAY ONE OF THEM A $100 BRIBE TO STAY OUT OF JAIL! - A TRAFFIC LIGHT ON A MAIN ROAD WAS OBSCURED BY TREE BRANCHES THAT WERE ALLOWED TO THRIVE AND SQUADS OF POLICE WERE HOVERING AND READY TO POUNCE ON UNSUSPECTING GRINGOS WHO DROVE ON THROUGH. 
I MOVED ON TO ECUADOR AFTER A YEAR OR SO AND I FOUND THAT IT WAS RUN BY A JUNTA AND THEY HAD 78 ADMIRALS AND ONLY ABOUT 14 SHIPS! THAT IS IF AN OIL TANKER AND SOME GUN BOATS COULD BE COUNTED AS 'SHIPS.'
EVEN SO, THE ECUADOREAN PEOPLE WERE/ARE THE NICEST PEOPLE I'VE EVER MET AND I DO MEAN EVERY LAST ONE OF THEM!    
 
THE LAST PHOTO - WHICH WAS THE MOST AMBITIOUS PROJECT OF MINE, EVER, AND IS STILL THE ONE WHOSE LOSS I  LAMENT OVER MOST - SHOWS THE CHASSI OF A SPORTS CAR THAT WAS GIVEN TO ME FOR RESTORING IN PUERTO RICO.
HOWEVER, IT WAS IN SUCH A BAD STATE - THE ENGINE WAS A MASS OF RUST DUE TO RAIN WATER HAVING BEEN ABLE TO GET INTO IT THROUGH A HELD-OPEN VALVE DURING YEARS OF GROSSLY INADEQUATE STORAGE. ALSO, THE WOODEN FRAME (IT WAS A "MORGAN") HAD ROTTED AWAY COMPLETELY AS HAD ITS STEEL PANELING. THE TIRES WERE ROTTED TOO, AND, WELL, ON AND ON.
I STRIPPED IT DOWN TO ITS CHASSI AND THEN I GOT AN IDEA FOR A LARGE PROJECT AND SO (IN AN ATTEMPT TO SAVE FACE BY FINDING SOME - ANYTHING AT ALL - USE FOR IT) I WELDED A 3/4 INCH ANGLE-IRON FRAME TO IT AND THEN I PLACED SEVEN DEPICTIONS OF THE 'AGES OF MAN' ONTO THAT.
THEY WERE (AS I BEST REMEMBER) - 'CONCEPTION' AND THEN 'BIRTH' AND THEN 'INFANCY' AND THEN 'SCHOOLING' AND THEN 'WORK' AND THEN 'FAMILY' AND THEN "DEATH."  
THE LAST ONE WAS A SKULL WITH SOME DRIED UP BONES AND ASHES THAT WERE IN A FULL-SIZED COFFIN THAT WAS SITTING UP FRONT.
IT PAINED ME TO LEAVE IT BEHIND WHEN MY JOB FORCED ME TO MOVE ON SO I ARRANGED TO HAVE IT STOWED IN THE BACK YARD OF MY WIFE'S COUSIN'S MOTHER'S HOUSE FULLY INTENDING TO 'RESCUE' IT IN TIME BUT WHEN HIS MOTHER DIED, MAYBE 6 YEARS LATER, I WAS INCOMMUNICADO (SOMEWHERE IN THE INTERIOR OF ONE OF THE COUNTRIES PROBABLY) AND SO HE GOT SOMEBODY TO TOW IT AWAY AND THAT WAS THAT.
​IT MIGHT BE A PART OF A CHICKEN HOUSE, OR SOME SUCH, SOMEWHERE ON THE ISLAND STILL.
THERE IS ONLY ONE PHOTO OF THE FINISHED PIECE AND I PUT IT IN A SAFE PLACE AND HAVE FORGOTTEN WHERE THAT WAS!
​WHEN I FIND IT (OJALA! AS HISPANICS SAY) I'LL POST IT ABOVE.